Monday, June 7, 2010
On the way back, we would unfailingly play He ahe ka tuza ghar?....where, he would point to all gates and ask me if that was my house. Bursting with giggles I would say no and he would say ok then it must be the next...
My favourite game with my favourite kaka - Khi - ravi tilak. I spent the most amazing, secure, fun evenings of my early childhood with him. He indulged me and I loved him. But then time changed and distance set in when we moved house and couldnt meet...till he came and cried like a baby at my dads death. the years flew faster and I became a mother...and khi kaka was buried at the back of my mind. Sadly, I never attempted to get in touch. I wish I had. He passed away.
As I thought and cocntinue to think about him, the way he was part of my family, I see a lacuna in my sons life. He doesnt have an elder aunt or uncle who dote on him like I was doted upon. He doesnt have any adult currently inclined to attempt to create a fantastic bond with him.
I was lucky. I had a bunch of kakas who would give their life to see me smile, hear me laugh and to watch me play and to teach me things while we played. Khi was the first among them.
but most children today dont have uncles like that... wake up people. Kids need us, just like we do them. I'm hoping arin gets luckier than I did.
You know they say everything changes overnight and you nod your head along in conversation? And then it actually changes overnight for you one happy morning and you know exactly what they are talking about. And then you become part of them. A them you strongly believed you will never ever have to belong to.
what happens next is steady stream of thoughts. A cascading gigantic waterfall of emotions which ends in a deep-dark whirlpool. And while you go round and round and round and round, who do you go to for help? who do you look at for support? where do you look for answers? what do you do to keep a straight face?
if you have seen a close one die, a friend lose her/his way or been cheated in any way, you will know how that feels. Many would have been told by the wise that time heals everything. Just give it time. I have decided to wait and watch.
Friday, April 16, 2010
To start with, hes really cute, intelligent and extremely cuddluscious. Of course im prejudiced, im in love. I can (and do) spend hours with him eveyrday. We share beautiful moments-anger, frustration, irritation, hugs, kisses and lots of chatter (some bordering on gibberish). But that's the beauty of this relationship. And we love it.
It induces jealousy from certain quarters, but I have learnt to deal with it, its part of life. Of course being around him is not easy, for he makes me tear my hair in utter dispair with his ways but then, sigh, sigh sigh...I love him...way too much.
We fight and some mins later, we r back to being the best of friends. Somwthign like what I had when I was about 5.
Since he was born I have been telling myself that he will grow up, go out in the world, that I will have to let him go to let him grow. But its easier because what we have is ours forever. It will go through changes of many a degree but the strong love will remain constant.
That's one of the pleasures of being mom to Arin.
The others are when he smiles, sleeps, runs and shouts and scoots off on his zipper counting every single loop around the garden his biggest conquest of the moment.
Why would I resist him?